Full of Win

One day, 3 dead men went to heaven, God stopped them at the gate and told them that heaven was too crowded so they were only letting in 1 out of 3 people, so he interviews them, to see which had the worst death.

The first man starts. Well, I came home from work early, because I thought my wife was cheating on me, so I checked the whole house while she was in the shower, then I saw him, dangling from the balcony, so I grabbed a hammer, and started smashing his fingers, and he fell, so, to make sure he was dead, I went and got the fridge, and toppled it over the edge. But i felt so bad I shot myself.

The second man walks in and says, I was exercising on my balcony, when I fell, and grabbed onto the balcony below me, then, some wierdo with a mallet comes over and smashes my hands in, the fall didn’t kill me, but then a huge F* off fridge topples over and crushes me.

So the last man comes in, well, he says, I was in my girlfriends house hiding in her fridge…
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There were three men standing on a cliff looking over a city. The first man threw an apple down into the city, and the other two men asked “why did you throw a an apple into the city” and the man replied “i don’t like apples”.

The second man threw an orange into the city and the other two men asked “why did you throw an orange into the city” “because i don’t like oranges” said the second man.

After that the third man threw a bomb into the city and the other two men asked “why did you throw a bomb into the city” and he replied “i don’t like bombs”
so the men decided to go down into the city.
They came upon a little girl that was crying and they asked “why are you crying” and she said “an apple fell from the sky and hit my head”.
They continued walking and came upon a little boy who was crying and asked him “why are you crying” and he said “an orange fell from the sky and hit my head”.
They continued walking and came upon a little girl that was laughing they asked “why are you laughing” and she replied “my dad farted and blew up the house”.

Seen @ FullofWin.tk

A Really Bad Day
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison." - Coolfunnyjokes.com